Laughter in the Mountains

2009 and the Penis

But first, a word from our sponsor:

Yes friends, this is all about the past year and how the course of it was DICKtated by most. Some people got outright nailed on it.

It just doesn't work!

I guess the fact that from an early age when all of us males woke up in the morning with a built in kickstand, we actually didn’t know that this marvelous pull-toy of ours would lead to trouble by having a mind all its own. When we did discover that burping it would make it feel better, we tried to take it further by seeing if we suck ourselves off (see above).
We would listen to it more and more, and then when we understood it’s logic: to search and destroy, we got in trouble.

There is not one male reading this, who can say their pointer wasn’t the lead dog on the sled a lot (most) of the time.

The Top Sex Scandals of 2009:

1. Tiger Woods

Shouldn't Billionaires live in the country, and not the 'Burbs?

Now, if this doesn’t nail the fact that we are just basic male mammals in a meat eating society, and the “If it moves, kill it or fuck it” applies, nothing does.

The man had it all. But I guess, for I don’t know, that you can’t be content without being a hunter gatherer.
I’m not even going to get into the whole “Black guy/ White chicks thing…

SPECIAL:  ——Secret sex tape was just released! ——-

2. David Letterman

Those who throw stones...

It’s a bitch being the receiver not the giver on certain things.
I’m sure that ole’ Stephanie was wearing a pheromone on those nights. He just couldn’t help himself. He should have had his testosterone directed towards a hobby like collecting cars and motorcycles like Jay Leno.
Of course if I had to put up with that megalomaniac Paul Schaeffer every night, I would snap too.

3. Roman Polanski

"Calling all 13 year old girls"

OK, they say “Time Heals all Wounds”, or is it, Time Wounds all Heels”. Not quite sure. But rape is rape. Period.
I guess Polanski’s last name is pronounced ‘Pol - in - ski’ in English.

4. Charlie Sheen

"I just can't control them pesky fists"

I guess when you are talking sex scandals, abuse shoots right up there.
When people can’t keep it in their pants, they are having trouble with their inner self. This particularly applies to domestic abuse.
Let’s see, do we have a problem here? He told Denise Richards he “would have her killed”, shot Kelly Preston in the arm, and can’t stop the drug and alcohol thing.

Women like men who are funny, so why are they attracted to THIS man?

5. Governor Mark Sanford

"Trust me honey, it really is that big!"

Nothing could be finer than to be in South America…
At least the man had taste, even if he so stupid. Pretty scary that you can’t come up with a better excuse than the one he gave:
Hiking the Appalachian Trail. Really? I didn’t know it went through Buenos Aires. Musta been the faulty geography books they gave us in parochial school.